© Copyright 2005 Kurt Snyder

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Psychosis

On Tuesday, August 10, 1999, I continued to think about the events I had experienced over the past two months. I came to the conclusion that all these events were some type of test for my acceptance into the CIA as an agent. But, I also thought, there must be some other information that I don't have. I honestly believed 50 or 100 people were following me around over the past week. There must be another reason why they are investing so many resources on my case. Surely, even the CIA doesn't have enough resources to keep 50 or 100 people following every candidate. That would be impossible. They would never get any real work accomplished. I must be special for some reason. Maybe they are considering me for upper management. Surely, the higher the position, the more stringent the security measures must be. Someone who manages other agents must be able to pass a stricter test than the agents themselves. Wouldn't that make sense? I thought, I definitely must know someone who is already in the CIA. Someone very close. I must have been personally selected for a very super secret position. Who did I know? When would I find out? And what exactly was the connection with Iridium?

Even though I had come to the conclusion that I was an employment candidate, I didn't trust THIER methods. I had suspicions that they had drugged me, abducted me, and used psychological warfare against me. There was something else I didn't know about all this. While I stayed at my parents house, I wondered how THEY could continue to monitor me. I wondered if THEY might recruit my neighbors to help them. I wondered whether they might use psychological manipulation on my neighbors. I decided I had to warn them. I went next door to my neighbor's house, and knocked on their door very loudly. My neighbor, a woman, opened the door and I said, "Someone might be using psychological warfare against you." She immediately said, "Where is your grandmother, is she alright?" (My grandmother lived with my parents). I said, "Yes. she's fine" Then, she quickly closed the door.

I was worried that THEY might start to use more severe methods of manipulation on me. I didn't trust them. I decided I needed some help. But, who has more power than the FBI or the CIA? Who can tell the CIA or the FBI what to do? The president, or Congress, that's who! I decided it was unlikely I could get any help from the president. But maybe I could get some help from Congress. I went to the congressional offices in Washington D.C. and left a written message for several congressmen. I don't remember exactly what was in the message, but it stated that the FBI and Iridium were involved in some way, and it pleaded for them to investigate the matter further. I actually got one response a month later from Barbara Mikulski, a Senator for my state. She sent an official letter to the FBI, asking them to respond to my allegations. (The FBI never responded)

Gradually, I was becoming more and more psychotic. By late night, perhaps 11 pm, I had lost all touch with reality. I turned on the 'Tonight Show with Jay Leno'. (This is a nationally broadcast talk show in the United States). It seemed to me like the show was produced especially for me. I think this idea was the result of personalization and grandiose thinking.

I also started having more religious ideation, which was very uncharacteristic of me. I was having grandiose thoughts concerning my influence on the world. It seemed to me that somehow the entire world was becoming affected by the events I was experiencing. I started to think that the world might be coming to an end.

I tried to rationalize why there would have been 100 people following me last Sunday. I remembered the dream about being abducted by the CIA. I started to believe that maybe I had been brainwashed by the CIA when I was a teenager. Maybe that is the reason why I had so many nightmares. Maybe I was part of some kind of twenty year project that had started to go out of control. Maybe they were afraid I was going to reveal some closely guarded secrets about the CIA's psychological warfare methods. I started to believe that somehow, my faith in God had so far protected me from their methods. This was very unusual thinking for me, because I never really had much faith in a God. I always thought the universe existed independent of any guiding hand.

I imagined that I was in a direct conflict with the CIA. I thought there were two groups of CIA agents that were gathering their resources. One group, the "Bad" agents, were planning to eliminate me. These are the agents that had tried to abduct me, that had drugged me, that had used psychological warfare on me. I imagined that the "Bad" agents might be killing everyone involved with the project. The other group, the "Good" agents, were trying to protect me. I also thought perhaps some of the "Good" agents might have thought (erroneously) that I was Jesus. I wanted to discourage this thinking.

I knew that I was behaving strangely. I thought this was due to the brainwashing process. I thought that they had brainwashed me to become a "super-agent". They had planted subconscious thoughts into my psyche that would render me more sensitive to surveillance. These thoughts were intended to enable me to detect when anyone was following me, or surveilling me. This was the reason I became so anxious when THEY started following me. Subconsciously, I was able to detect that I was under their surveillance. So, I thought that the CIA had brainwashed me as a teenager, and when THEY started following me, this activated my subconscious alarm system. I figured that since THEY were also part of the intelligence community, they may have uncovered some type of information related to the brainwashing project. However, complete information may not have been available to them. I suspected that, because of me, there was chaos going on throughout the ranks of the intelligence community. They were trying to pull strings everywhere to find out what the truth was.

I also wanted to know exactly what had happened to me in the past to make me this way. I wanted to know the truth about what they had done to me. I would not believe anything any agents told me. I would only accept the truth from the top ranks of the government. I thought they alone would be able to know the truth.

It is with all these thoughts in mind that I crafted the following email, which I intended to be a communication to THEM. (My Mom had found and saved a copy of this email) I wrote the email at about 1am.

"As far as I know, I am an American citizen. I put my faith in God, Myself, My family, My country, and my world, in that order. As things wear away and chaos ensues, each one of these will slowly erode. Except for the first. When you have no other leg to stand on, God will not let you down, he will make you strong. With God on your side, who can oppose you?

I have put my hand out to offer it innumerable times. You have slapped it away. WHEN, WHEN, god please help us WHEN are you going to get some faith yourself?

I know an incredible amount of information about your organization, your strategies, your intentions. (This was somewhat of a lie)

I have lived my life in all respects trying to be a good person. I do not know exactly why I am the way I am. I do not believe that is important. Whatever information you are seeking IS NO LONGER IMPORTANT. I do not know what information you are seeking and I don't care.

Everyone must make choices in life. As I told you before, you may choose good or evil. When you don't have enough information about something, you must use what you have and make the most righteous decision possible. If I have learned anything in my life, that is the honest to god truth. If you believe this, things will turn out fine.

There is much goodness in the world. There is far more goodness than evil. That is why you fail against me. I go forth in the name of god, who governs my conscience.

In case you are wondering. I am only a man. a very smart man. I am just as human as everyone else.

I need you to have faith, and I need the top commanders of the United States government, the joint chiefs of staff themselves, to come forth and usher me to the pentagon. This should not be widely publicized as yet as people may make their own conclusions too soon. I also need them to give me the information they have about ME. I do not care about any other type of information. I do not care about your national secrets. I will not abuse this trust. I honestly do not know what is going to happen to us. I am not going to intentionally harm anyone. I can help you to de-escalate this problem. I'm a very smart guy as you probably know. But you must ask for help when you need it.

This is a leap of faith and trust. If you can do this, I will help to alleviate your problems. I believe we can control this problem, but only if we all have faith in god and our country. sometimes it is hard to do this. Things happen that are beyond our control. I do not know why this is true except that it is a universal truth for every system within the universe.

people do bad things sometimes. I believe that people have done bad things to me in the past (in this lifetime). Please stay calm. This is a dangerous time. The bible has predicted things like this. I believe that if enough people believe the world will end, it will. I also believe that if enough people believe the world will continue, it will continue.

Do not make assumptions about ANYTHING permanent. That is my advice. As ever, be true to your own beliefs and your own conscience and do not betray that.

As of now, I believe that someone or something, a person or organization, did something very bad to me in the past. It is buried in my subconscious mind. It has made me suspicious of other people. But, it has not impaired my thinking. I do not believe that anyone but myself can extract it. I also believe that my brains come from evolution and that my faith comes from god. I am ready for the truth about myself to be revealed. It is possible that no one knows what this truth is. If people did bad things to me in the past, those people may be dead now. I don't know. I may never find out. I am prepared for that also. I DO KNOW THIS-no matter what, I will always honor my father and mother for giving me this life. I have enjoyed it thoroughly and I hope to continue it into the future.

NOW IS THE TIME FOR TRUTH. In this incredible and unbelievable situation we must adhere to the fundamental things which we undeniably know to be true. In my case, I know that God loves me, that my family loves me, and that both will support me in this crisis.

On a separate note. The things that have caused this problem ARE definitely evil.

Sharing, cooperation, patience, trust, caring, compassion, service, hope, and especially faith, are gifts from god. Each one of these things was trampled upon during the escalation of this conflict. These virtues give life. This is a warning. Do not take these virtues lightly. We must preserve life, celebrate life.

For the time being, I suggest that you do not change your ways immediately for the possibility exists that we may have total chaos. We must preserve order. Growth is a slow process. If you have faith, we can grow into a more civilized society."

© Copyright 2005 Kurt Snyder

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