© Copyright 2005 Kurt Snyder
Previous Chapter           Home Page           Table of Contents           Next Chapter
The next morning, Sunday, August 8, 1999, my brother Jason and his family were going to church as usual. My brother normally left earlier than the rest of the family because he was the choir director at their church. He was already gone. Denise asked me if I wanted to go to church with them. I think I recall that I said something rude to her, and left abruptly. However, mentioning church had influenced my thought processes. After I left, I began to think about God.
I hardly ever go to church. For the most part, I have never been a religious person. Although I had been raised Christian, I have never accepted Christian doctrine as the truth. For me, the gospel of Jesus is a myth. I was agnostic for most of my life until I became mentally ill. I believed that if a God did exist, it was unknowable to us as human beings, and there was no reason to think about it. The universe is already more complicated and mysterious than we can understand-that is enough religion for me. In my mind there was no reason or practical value in thinking about God. However, at this time, I began to have more religious thought. I also began to experience grandiose thinking. I started to feel like I was joined with the universe on some metaphysical, philosophical, and spiritual level. I was becoming involved in something HUGE. I wondered if God was somehow controlling the events in my life. Perhaps God had some grand plan for my life, and this plan was just beginning to unfold. I started to believe that what was happening to me had some importance for the entire world. Maybe God was directing the events of my life for some greater purpose that would influence all of humanity. At the same time, I thought, "I don't really believe in divine intervention!" But then I thought, maybe I was wrong. Maybe God really did exist. Maybe I was special and extremely important for the world. I started having profoundly spiritual feelings.
I thought, for a split second, perhaps I was Jesus. Then, I immediately realized, I don't believe in Jesus (at least not in his divinity)! Then, I thought, maybe I was the anti-Christ. But that would imply that I believe in Jesus. I didn't believe in the anti-Christ prophecies either. My disbelief in religious ideas was so strong that I couldn't believe them even when I was mentally ill. Suddenly I thought, maybe that's what THEY think. Maybe THEY think I'm Jesus. Maybe THEY think I'm the anti-Christ. Why would they think that? I started to make comparisons between Jesus and myself. First, I had read somewhere that religious scholars have estimated that Jesus started his ministry when he was 30 years old. I also knew many people believed that Jesus might return near the Millenium. I was going to be 30 years old in 2001, the year of the true millennium (2000 years after 1 A.D.). Secondly, Jesus was a carpenter, and I was a handyman (sort of like a carpenter). I thought, "They certainly wouldn't believe I was Jesus based on these two things alone!" Still, I did not disbelieve THEY were thinking about this. I thought perhaps they were thinking this way-I thought I would have to wait and see what else happens.
I still kept thinking about God as I was driving in my truck. Maybe there is a God after all. Maybe God is playing some kind of cruel trick on me. Maybe what is happening to me is God's way of getting his kicks. I started to think, how can I know if God exists? Where is the proof?
I had never in my life seen anything that made me think there is a God. In fact, I can immediately think of at least a dozen reasons why God does not exist. So how could I prove to myself that God is real? The only thing I could think of was a paradox: "The universe is infinite in time and space, yet nothing within it is!". (I believe even now that the universe is infinite.) For some reason, at that time, I thought this might be proof that God exists. Now, I do not fully understand this reasoning or why I made the connection between infinity, the finite, and the existence of God.
Then, I started thinking again about my sister-in-law. Could she be involved with the surveillance team somehow? I couldn't see how this was possible. I had known her for many years. When could the surveillance have started? I had met her when I was 15. Somehow, while thinking back to that time, I remembered the dream I had when I was 16 years old about being abducted by the CIA and interrogated. I wondered, could that have been real? Could they have been following me since I was 16 years old?
I started to feel like many more people were involved in the surveillance that day. I guessed there might have been 50 or 100 people following me. I thought to myself, "I can't figure this out. This doesn't make any sense to me." I decided I needed to talk to someone who knew more than I did. I still trusted Bob, from Iridium. I was pretty sure he was working for THEM, but I still trusted him. I decided that there was no harm in talking to him about any of my thoughts, since I had already quit my job there. I knew Bob was a workaholic, and I expected he might be at work even on Sunday. I decided to drive out to Iridium to see if I would find him there.
At Iridium, there was a gated area behind the facility where access was limited to a select group of people. Most people were not allowed to enter this area. It required a special key card to gain access, and then it required special keys to enter the building from the back. I had turned in my access cards and keys the previous Thursday. Even so, I had grown accustomed to parking there, and I decided that I would park behind the facility this time. I arrived at Iridium and pulled up to the back gate. There was a speaker in front of the gate through which you could communicate with the security guards. I pushed a button on the speaker to get their attention. A voice, which sounded to me exactly like Bob's, said, "Who are you?" I said, "It's Kurt! Open the gate!" The gate opened immediately, and I drove around the back of the facility.
After parking my truck, I walked up to the entrance door. I no longer had my keys. I had to pick up an outdoor telephone to call the security gaurds. One of the gaurds answered. I said, "I don't have my keys, come down and let me in." He said," I'm going to do more than that. You have no business coming here. I'm going to come down and rough you up." I said, "Well, you just try it!" In a few minutes, he was opening the door. He immediately said "I was just kidding you! You know what I mean? Come on in." I entered the facility and we stood just inside the door in the hallway. There was another security door blocking access to the rest of the building. This door also required a special card to get access. The guard said, "What are you doing here today?" I said, "I'm here to see Bob" He said, "I don't think he's here." I thought to myself, "I just heard his voice on the speaker out front, and you're saying he's not here? You must have been in the security room with Bob when I heard his voice. You're playing mind games with me. I better take a look for myself." I said, "Well, I have to go to the bathroom. Are you going to let me pee on the floor?" He said, "Ok, come on in." He promptly opened the door leading to the rest of the facility. Once inside he said, "Come on up to the office when you're finished". Then, he left me alone. This was definitely poor procedure on his part. I did not have my security badge, my access card, or my keys. It was also very unusual that I was there on a Sunday.
I actually did go to the bathroom. Afterwards, I couldn't really look around the facility because I no longer had an access card. I couldn't get in any of the rooms. So, instead I went straight up to the security office. Bob was not there. I asked the security guards to page him. They said "What do you want us to say?" I said, "Tell him this is his last chance!" (What I meant by this was, "This is your last chance to talk to me!") They said, "Are you sure you want to say that?" I said "Yes. Tell him it's his last chance. I'll wait here for ten minutes to see if he responds." They said, "Ok."
After ten minutes, the same guard who let me in the facility came out and said, "We've had no response from him. What do you want to do?" I was sure Bob was in the building. I thought, "They're playing games with me." I said, "I guess I'll be leaving now." However, the guard said, "I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that." He may have been joking again, but I did not take this as a joke. I thought, "I am not going to let them keep me here. I don't know what they plan on doing with me."
I had been standing very close to the front entrance to the building. My truck was parked at the back entrance. The guard was blocking the path to my truck, but he was not blocking the way to the front entrance door. I realized I was not going to be able to get back to my truck. I decided to abandon it. I very quickly walked out the front entrance without saying anything. I kept walking and I did not look back. I did not hear him following me, nor did I hear the guard say anything.
A short distance away from the Iridium facility was a hospital. I decided to walk to the hospital, and arrange transportation for myself from there. I arrived at the hospital in about 10 minutes. I went to the main desk and asked if they could call me a taxi. They did. As I sat outside the hospital waiting for the taxi, I wondered what THEY would be doing. How could they follow me without the GPS receiver in my truck? I thought, they might be guessing I would call a taxi. I wondered if they would have a taxi of their own. Perhaps they would trick me and send their own taxi to pick me up. Or, they might pull up in a van and whisk me away. I became very suspicious of any cars driving by. Eventually, my taxi arrived and I got in with a bit of hesitation.
I needed to get transportation home. The hospital where I was located was 75 miles from my home. I thought the easiest thing to do would be to get to the nearest subway stop in Virginia, and take the subway to the station closest to my home in Maryland, where my parents could pick me up. I told the driver I wanted to go to the West Falls Church subway stop, and I told him how I wanted to get there. I said, "Take Route 7 all the way down to Falls Church. Stay on Route 7." This was the most direct route I knew. He said, "OK, no problem."
We left the hospital and started on our way down Route 7. The cab driver started talking to me. We had a short conversation like this:
He said, "Do you ever have people talking about you?".
I said "What do you mean?"
"I mean, do you ever find people talking about you?"
"Well, I'm sure people talk about me sometimes. Everybody talks about everybody else at some point."
"No. I mean, they keep talking about you behind your back, all the time"
"Give me an example of what you mean"
"I have this dog, you see, and people don't like my dog. They keep talking about me and my dog"
"Is there something wrong with your dog, Is he barking all the time or something?"
"No. They just don't like him. They want me to get rid of him."
"Is your dog dangerous?"
"No. But they're always talking about him"
"So what, who cares what they think or what they talk about?"
"It's not what they think. It's the fact that they keep talking about us."
"Well, just ignore it. Who cares?"
"I can't ignore it. I don't want them to talk about us."
"How do you know they are talking about you"
"I just do"
I started to become very suspicious of the cab driver. I thought he might have been one of THEM. I wondered if he was testing me. I knew that paranoid people often become preoccupied that other people are talking about them. I thought the driver might be testing me to see what I would say about myself. Once again, I was personalizing the conversation. At this time, we were 4 or 5 miles from Iridium, still traveling on Route 7. I had instructed the driver to stay on Route 7 all the way to Falls Church, at least another 20 miles. Suddenly, the driver exited off Route 7. I said, "What are you doing? I told you to stay on Route 7!" He said, "I know a shortcut. This way is faster." I knew from experience that the way he was going was not really faster. I had specifically told him to go straight down Route 7. Why was he diverting from my instructions? I became very anxious. Where was he taking me? Is he kidnapping me? What do THEY want to do with me? I thought, maybe they're just going to kill me. On the other hand, maybe they just want to talk to me. Ok, they're going to kill me, or just talk to me. One or the other. If they're just going to talk to me, the driver certainly could have mentioned that to me. What harm would there be in telling me they're only going to talk to me? He departed from our course without even warning me. Surely they're going to kill me. Otherwise, they could have given me some warning. Maybe they're just testing me again. Maybe this is just another stress test. What should I do?
I said to the driver, "Are you going to kill me?"
He said, "What?"
I said, "Are you going to kill me?"
He said, "No, I'm not going to kill you. What do you mean, 'Am I going to kill you?' No, I'm not going to kill you."
I thought, "It's obvious he's taking me some place I don't want to go. Whatever the reason, I'm not going to wait to find out the answer." The taxi soon stopped at a red light. I seized the opportunity-I got out and ran away. Immediately, I thought, "They must not be abducting me, they certainly would have made sure the doors were locked. On the other hand, maybe the driver made a mistake, maybe he forgot to lock the doors."
I had to come up with another plan to get home. I was still more than 20 miles from the train station. I didn't want to take another cab. I thought, "I'm only a few miles from Dulles airport. This is a major airport for Washington, D.C. I can walk to the airport from here in a few hours. From there, I can get a bus to the subway station. I started to walk along the highway in the direction of the airport. I was very wary of the vehicles driving by. I thought THEY might pull one of their vehicles up beside me and abduct me again at any minute. I thought, "I have to get a weapon of some sort to protect myself." I saw a steel cable lying on the side of the road. I picked it up. I didn't exactly know how I could protect myself with this, but I felt better having it.
To demonstrate how fragile my state of mind was, I saw a street cleaning machine coming down along the edge of the road. I thought, "It might be THEM. THEY probably have a whole fleet of vehicles that are disguised. I better avoid this side of the road." I crossed over to the other side.
After a few minutes, I became aware of a vehicle following me. It was a white colored SUV. It pulled up close to me, and a man got out. It was Bob! I thought, "Bob! I should have known. Bob is definitely with THEM! How else could he have found me? He must have been following me the entire time since I left Iridium! Or, he is in contact with THEM." I tried to avoid him. He was yelling something at me. Finally I understood he was saying, "Kurt! I want to talk to you! Kurt! I want to talk to you!" I thought, "NOW he wants to talk to me! No way. Forget it! I told him it was his last chance and I meant it. He MUST be with THEM. NOW, after trying to abduct me, they want to talk to me." I tried to think of something appropriate to say. I came up with, "FUCK YOU!" I turned and ran the other way. He got back in his vehicle and kept following me on the shoulder. I thought, "I have to get away." I tried to run, but the shoes I was wearing were floppy. I took them off and started to run in my bare feet. I decided to cross the highway to the other side. There were a lot of cars on the highway and there was no crosswalk. I thought, they'll stop for me if I give them enough time. I saw an opportunity to cross--I walked out in front of a car that was about 200 yards away. It stopped. I then crossed to the other side. I started to run towards the airport. I ran maybe a half mile when I heard sirens behind me. It was two police cars, with Bob following behind them. I thought, "I won't be able to escape from the police. They can call a helicopter, or canine units. I won't be able to get away." I stopped and waited for them. I thought, I wonder if THEY have a special connection with the police.
One of the officers approached me.
He said, "What are you doing out here?"
"I'm trying to get to the airport."
"This man says you were crossing the highway dangerously."
"Yes, I was trying to get away from him!"
"What are you holding that cable for?"
"I pick up things. I'm a handyman. I thought I might be able to use it."
The officers then conferred with Bob for a few minutes. I couldn't hear what they were saying. I tried to avoid making eye contact with Bob and I turned my back to him. Eventually, one of the officers came back to me.
He said, "You were at Bob's office earlier today. Do you want to go back there?"
"No. I don't want to go back there."
"You left your truck there."
"Don't you want to get your truck?"
"No. I'll get it later. Some other day."
"What are you planning on doing today?"
"I'm planning on walking to the airport."
"What are you going to do at the airport?"
"I'm going to get a bus to the metro train station. Look, I'm not going to have a conversation with you. You have two options. You can arrest me, or let me go. I'm not going to stand here all day talking to you. Arrest me, or I'm leaving!"
"Just wait a minute. We might be able to help you. Don't go anywhere."
He went back to discuss some things with Bob for a few minutes. The officer came back with a cell phone (probably Bob's) and said, "We got your brother on the phone. He wants to talk to you."
"Hi, Jason. What do you want?"
"What are you doing? Do you want me to come pick you up?"
"No. I am going to the airport."
"Why are you going to the airport?"
"I'm going to get a bus."
"I'll meet you at the airport."
"No. Do not come to the airport!"
We talked for a few minutes discussing whether he should come get me or not.
I was insistent that he not come.
"Let me talk to the police again"
After a few minutes, the police told me they would take me to the airport. One of the officers gave me a ride. I wondered whether Bob had a special relationship with the police. He could have called THEM, but he didn't, he called the police instead. After five or ten minutes, we arrived at the airport. Once there, I purchased a ticket to the nearest subway stop.
As I got on the bus, I thought, "Bob knew where I was going. THEY had plenty of time to prepare. I bet there are some agents on this bus with me." I said outloud so everyone could hear, "This is ridiculous. When are you going to give up?" Then, I heard someone whispering, "How did he know?" and I heard another person saying "Shhh...Be quiet"
We arrived at the train station, and I bought a ticket. I thought, there's probably 4 or 5 agents getting on this train with me. I decided that I would "Lose them". I took the train only a few stops to the Ballston Station. I got off the train and took careful note of who else got off with me. I watched carefully as I exited the train station to see where these other people were going. I went the opposite direction from them. A few blocks away from the train station was a hotel. I went in the back door. I took the elevator to one of the upper floors. It didn't seem like anyone was following me. I waited five or ten minutes. Then, I took the stairs back down and exited the front door. I still didn't see anyone. I thought, "Maybe I lost them."
Soon, I was feeling hungry. I decided to get something to eat. I crossed the street and walked a few blocks until I found a restaurant. I went inside and took a seat. I still felt like I was under observation, and I believed it. I thought, "How could they have followed me after all that?" I started becoming suspicious of the patrons at the restaurant. I started to wonder if any of the patrons were part of the surveillance team. I was very distracted by the thoughts in my head. I didn't notice who was there before me, or who came in after me. I started to think, "How can I tell who is a spy and who isn't?" I wondered "Is there something different about these people around me that would distinguish them from the people I might normally see?" I looked around and noticed there were a lot of kids. I was in the bar area at the time. Why were there so many kids? I thought "Maybe the spies brought their kids along." As I thought about it, I came up with a reason why they might have brought their kids. The surveillance crew was having a hard time following me that day. They needed more people. They were so shorthanded that they called people who were normally off work and ordered them to come to work. These people who got called at the last minute couldn't make arrangements for their kids, so they brought them along. At this time, I couldn't realize how ridiculous this idea was.
I started to wonder why they were so desperate to follow me. There must be a far more important reason for following me than I could know. Once again, I started to wonder how long the surveillance had been taking place. Was it happening when I was a teenager? Had it been going on for more than ten years? Was my dream about being abducted by the CIA a dream, or was it the truth? What happened on that day long ago?
I tried to recall the day when I was a teenager and I was babysitting for the woman whose husband worked in the intelligence community. I tried to remember exactly what happened. I am not certain whether I remembered actual events, or whether I invented some of the memories. I recalled going down into the basement with the kids. There was a back room where they were not allowed to go. "Don't go in there!" they said, "We're not allowed in that room! Nobody is allowed in that room!" Was there something in that room that I discovered? Did I go into that room? Maybe. What happened in that room?
I finished eating and left. I decided to walk to the next subway stop instead of getting on the train locally. It was no more than another mile away. I thought, "There must be 100 people following me. With this many, there is no way I can escape." I did not actually see anybody following me, but I still believed they were following me anyway. I got on the train at the next stop.
The train I took went underground while passing through the center of Washington D.C. Then, after leaving the downtown area, it came above ground again near RFK stadium. As the train came out of the tunnel, I looked out the window and in the distance saw a police car traveling with it lights flashing. Behind the police car was a white SUV with a flashing blue light on its dashboard. I thought, "It's Bob! Dammit! Somehow he's still able to follow me!"
The train arrived at the end of the line. I got off and immediately went to a pay phone to call my parents. The first call I made did not go through. I wondered, "Maybe THEY are interfering with my parent's phone line." While I was standing at the phone, a man came up to another phone nearby to make a call. I listened to some of his conversation. He started saying, "Hey, Man! You're not going to do that to my family! You wouldn't hurt them! I'll do whatever you want! Don't hurt my family!" I immediately thought, "He's with THEM. This is some kind of psychological warfare. They are trying to plant subliminal messages in my mind. I'll just ignore him." I tried to call my folks again. This time I got through, and my grandmother answered the phone. I was still suspicious as to whether THEY might be playing games with me. I thought they might be able to redirect my phone call. I also wondered whether they might have a machine that would alter their voices to make them sound like the voices of my family members. I wanted to be sure I was actually talking to my grandmother. I said, "Grandma, can you tell me that story again about what Mom did when she was a little girl?" It didn't really matter what story she told me, but probably it would be a story I knew and THEY didn't. My grandmother told me about the time my mother hit someone over the head with a hammer. I thought, "Yep, I know that story. It must really be my grandmother on the other end." I then asked for my parents, and I asked them to come pick me up at the train station. They arrived about 45 minutes later, and we went home. They did not ask me very many questions about what happened.
I spent the next day, Monday, August 9, 1999 at my parents house. Apparently my parents had spoken to Bob on the phone. They were getting wise. They wanted me to go see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. What good is a psychiatrist? I had other plans.
My dad had made arrangements to pick up my truck from Iridium. I kept wondering why Bob had called the police on me, instead of calling THEM. My parents told me that the Iridium facility had to go into 'Lockdown' Mode because of me. This is a situation where they secure the entire facility and force people to stay in certain rooms, usually in response to a security emergency. I thought "Lockdown? What the hell? Why did they need to go into Lockdown mode? I didn't do anything!" They also told me the security officer said I was being belligerent. I thought "I was being belligerent? HE was the one being belligerent, NOT ME!" In my mind, I started to go through everything I did at the facility. I wondered why Bob felt he had to call the police. The one thing I remembered was what I said-"This is your last chance!" Obviously, he didn't know what that meant! He didn't have any knowledge of the secret messages that I sent! Maybe he thought that was some kind of threat? Obviously, THEY weren't communicating everything to Bob.
© Copyright 2005 Kurt Snyder
Previous Chapter           Home Page           Table of Contents           Next Chapter